


Communication Sadist

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Humor, M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2018-01-03 00:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TG: what are you some kind of communication sadist<br/>TG: oh yeah baby struggle with those words<br/>TG: fruitlessly attempt to put your feelings into an interculturally sound proposal</p><p>In which Dave has some trouble expressing his blossoming blackrom feelings, and Karkat is entertained by this. From a kinkmeme prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Communication Sadist

**Author's Note:**

> For a kinkmeme prompt asking for Dave/Karkat: "Okay, so this is like the most amazing thing I read http://thelionandthellama.tumblr.com/post/58843251107/if-you-ever-think-youre-awkward-when-asking . Something inspired off that"
> 
> Originally posted here: http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/39716.html?thread=44561700#cmt44561700

TG: ok  
TG: so lets stop beating around the bush about it then  
TG: do you wanna do the thing  
CG: WHAT THING?  
CG: I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE REFERRING TO  
CG: “THING” IS ONE OF THE VAGUEST WORDS IN YOUR SPECIES’ RUDIMENTARY LANGUAGE, AND PROVIDES ME WITH ZERO INFORMATION AS TO WHAT YOU’RE SUGGESTING.  
TG: you know  
TG: the thing  
TG: with the beatdowns and the banter and the ouija board of cock  
CG: FIRST OF ALL THAT’S MULTIPLE “THINGS”, ALL OF WHICH WE HAVE ALREADY DONE.  
CG: THE LAST OF WHICH WE ARE NOT REPEATING. EVER.  
CG: I HAVE HAD BEEN SUBJECTED TO ENOUGH CRUDE DRAWINGS OF HUMAN “DICKS” TO LAST MYSELF AND ANY AND ALL ALTERNATE TIMELINE SPLINTERS OF ME THROUGH A NEVER-ENDING EXISTENCE AS AN IMMORTAL GHOST IN THE FARTHEST RING.  
TG: so theyre still fair game while youre alive  
CG: NO!!!  
CG: ARE YOU ACTUALLY SUGGESTING YOU WANT TO FIGHT WITH ME OVER A PEN AND SCRIBBLE PENISES ON ROSE’S BOOK AGAIN RIGHT NOW?  
TG: no thats not what i mean  
CG: WELL GET TO THE POINT THEN.  
TG: you just want me to say it outright dont you  
CG: SAY WHAT OUTRIGHT? YOU’RE NOT MAKING VERY MUCH SENSE  
CG: EVEN COMPARED TO YOUR USUAL IRONIC, PSEUDO-COOLKID BULLSHIT LAYERED LIKE A LASAGNA OF INSECURITIES, BRAVADO, AND LOAD GAPER JOKES.  
TG: i cant tell if youre fucking with me or if you seriously dont know what im getting at  
TG: i dont know whether to be furious or proud of you  
CG: PROUD OF ME?  
CG: I TAKE OFFENSE TO THE SUGGESTION THAT I AM NOT GOOD AT FUCKING WITH YOU.  
TG: but its true  
TG: im lightyears ahead of you on that  
TG: im the one off exploring brave new worlds  
TG: and youre stuck at home on your sad little planet waiting to hear my voice  
TG: my infinitely advanced fucking with people skills  
CG: YOUR METAPHOR IS JUST AS TEPID AS YOUR SO-CALLED SKILLS.  
CG: AND FURTHERMORE THIS ISN’T APPLICABLE HERE. SUPPOSEDLY YOU WERE TRYING TO ASK ME ABOUT SOMETHING, NOT “FUCK WITH ME”? OR WAS I MISTAKEN.  
TG: yeah ok  
TG: but fucking with you is always relevant  
TG: including to this  
TG: thing  
CG: AGAIN WITH THE “THING”.  
CG: I HAVEN’T HEARD YOU SO COMPLETELY INCOHERENT SINCE I ASKED YOU TO EXPLAIN WHAT “MAYO” WAS.  
TG: yeah well just like mayo  
TG: you dont explain it thats not what you do with it  
TG: well i dont explain it  
TG: you do you romcom obsessed sap  
TG: except you apparently are so thick you have no idea what im getting at  
CG: I LIED. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE GETTING AT.  
TG: ok cool  
TG: so are we doing  
TG: that  
CG: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BUT I’M STILL GOING TO MAKE YOU SAY IT.  
TG: ok thats just dumb  
TG: why the fuck would you do that  
CG: BECAUSE THIS IS ENTERTAINING.  
TG: do you get off on my suffering  
TG: what are you some kind of communication sadist  
TG: oh yeah baby struggle with those words  
TG: fruitlessly attempt to put your feelings into an interculturally sound proposal  
TG: the tree of interspecies love terminology is barren today  
TG: youre gonna have to go home hungry and alone  
TG: go on boy get all shy as you try to say what you want  
TG: wait  
TG: clarification  
TG: im not shy  
TG: that was just an example  
CG: HAHAHA, NOPE. YOU DEFINITELY JUST ADMITTED THAT YOU WERE SHY.  
CG: LOOK, IF YOU CAN’T SAY IT…I DON’T WANT TO RUSH THINGS.  
CG: MAYBE YOUR LOATHING CHAMBERS AREN’T FULLY IN THIS.  
TG: i dont know what the fuck loathing chambers are but im pretty sure humans dont have them  
TG: so that meant absolutely nothing since they cant be in it if i dont have them  
TG: duh  
CG: HUMANS ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY ANATOMICALLY PRIMITIVE.  
CG: I JUST DON’T WANT TO PRESSURE YOU INTO IT IF YOU AREN’T SURE.  
CG: MAYBE THIS ISN’T YOUR SORT OF THING AFTER ALL, NOT ON A SERIOUS BASIS AT LEAST.  
TG: no  
TG: its not that  
TG: stop overthinking this  
CG: WHAT IS IT THEN? YOU’RE ACTUALLY JUST TOO SHY?  
TG: uh  
CG: HAHAHAHA.  
TG: just shut up ok  
TG: thats not important  
TG: the important part is  
TG: i hate your guts and i like your butt  
TG: ok?  
CG: I’M SORRY, I HAD TO STEP AWAY FOR A MOMENT.  
CG: I JUST SNORTED SODA ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD.  
TG: so glad i keep you entertained  
CG: THAT’S THE SWEETEST THING YOU’VE EVER SAID TO ME.  
TG: aww youre welcome karkles  
CG: THANK YOU FOR THE IMMEDIATE JUMP BACK INTO PROPER CALIGINOUS TERRITORY.  
TG: no problem  
CG: SO WHAT IS IT YOU WANT AGAIN?  
TG: fuck  
CG: …  
TG: no wait  
TG: goddammit  
TG: dont you see  
TG: how i go from loquacious to  
TG: shitface words fuck  
TG: in five seconds flat  
CG: AS I JUST MENTIONED, YES I HAVE NOTICED AND IT’S LAUGH-OUT-LOUD HILARIOUS.  
TG: fine  
TG: do you wanna do the thing  
CG: I DON'T KNOW, DO I?  
CG: JUST SAY IT ALREADY.  
TG: the thing where you get unlimited access to the famous strider spamporpoise  
TG: and a high probability of waking up at least once with human dicks drawn on your face with a sharpie  
CG: YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO TALK DIRTY.  
CG: AND FOR THE RECORD IF I EVER WAKE UP WITH HUMAN DICKS DRAWN ON MY FACE I WILL PUNCH YOU SO HARD YOU’LL SHIT OUT ALL YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS  
TG: oh yeah talk dirty to me  
CG: SO ARE YOU JUST NOT GOING TO SAY IT?  
CG: I FIND IT IRONIC THAT YOU BEGAN THIS CONVERSATION WITH “LET’S STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH” AND THEN PROCEEDED TO DO EXACTLY THAT.  
TG: im trying  
CG: AND FAILING MISERABLY, AND HILARIOUSLY.  
TG: fine you dickwad  
TG: you wanna hatedate or whatever the shit  
TG: and keep doing the arguing beating sometimes kissing stuff  
CG: THE KISSING ONLY HAPPENED TWICE BUT I WOULDN’T BE OPPOSED TO DOING IT AGAIN.  
CG: AS SOON AS I HAVE THE CHANCE TO LAUGH AT YOU IN PERSON ABOUT HOW LONG IT TOOK YOU TO SAY THIS.  
TG: im going to make you draw so many fucking dicks  
CG: NO YOU ARE NOT!!!  
TG: will you just answer the stupid question  
CG: I’LL TAKE “HATEDATE”. NO “WHATEVER THE SHIT” FOR ME, THANKS.  
TG: so this means i get to keep your butt right?  
CG: YOU ARE NOT, AND NEVER HAVE BEEN, IN POSSESSION OF MY REAR.  
CG: YOU MAY HOWEVER CONSIDER IT ON INDEFINITE LOAN.  
TG: how generous   
CG: <3<  
TG: really dude?  
CG: FUCK OFF.  
TG: <3<


End file.
